my phone needs a breathalizer
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize