okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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