Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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