i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize