Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
