Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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