So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
