found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
