So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
