I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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