I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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