Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
