Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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