so let's talk penis.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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