i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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