He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
