not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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