Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize