Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
