I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I FOUND THE LEGS
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
