Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
