jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
