Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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