i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
