You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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