I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize