No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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