you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
