remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize