His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
