I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
