Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
