He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
