You can't special order awesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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