that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
