i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
