census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
