dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
