nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
