You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
BRING THE BAGELS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
