(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
