omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
