4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's blow job season.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize