So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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