The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
