ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
