But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
