like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
