so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
