I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
