i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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