We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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