Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
