glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
