can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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