Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
