1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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