Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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