You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
