Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
