I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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