Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
