he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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