You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
