I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
