Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
