hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
