OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize