just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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