I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
