I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
