Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
