Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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