yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
