Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
